(fifty) or sights and sounds

Tomorrow marks the last day of the semester! Dorms close, and everyone is expected to be either moving into Rhoads for the break, or off to their next adventures.

Even though I finished all of my finals work before the exam period (!!!), I still have to stay until the very end of term because I’m an HA. Oddly, I find this time very relaxing. Usually when I’m at Bryn Mawr, I spend my time working non-stop. This kind of gives me an anxiety complex around the entire school itself, so having this time to just relax and laze around really helps to decrease this feeling. Have you heard of Pavlov’s dogs? It’s the same idea- I’ve been conditioned to come to Bryn Mawr and think “WORK.” But now that I don’t have anything, I’ve been able to combat the “WORK” feeling which produces anxiety to a more palatable “keep sleeping” or “go get a scone from the dining hall.” It’s just that time of the year- everyone is stressed out, everyone is burned out, and everyone wants to get out.

I spent today in Philly eating strawberries and camembert cheese, looking around at the city, and getting some more holidays gifts. This also means that I’m staying warm and cozy under the covers of Pam’s bed while she works. As I leave tomorrow, this will be the last day that she and I get to see each other before I leave for Florida. It’s a bit of a bummer, but we’re both excited for the break, and the ability to see our families. I love Pam’s family, and am really looking forward to seeing her parents when they visit Philly in the Spring.

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I think I’m ready for the Spring Semester. Although it officially marks the “half way” mark of my final year here, it’s really excited. Granted the job search makes my heart flutter in a million different ways, but I think that’s more because I’m excited at the prospect of trying something new. Bryn Mawr has become my home, and part of it always will be, but it’s almost done with me, and I can feel that. It’s not like it’s pushing me out, per say, but rather, it’s opened the door and has a warm coat ready to put on me as I enter the winter outside. IMG_6835

A strange feeling has come over me, and it’s kind of like I’m being torn between two different places. I think I’m feeling this more so because Pam has been in the work world for a while now, but it’s like my “foot is already out the door” so to speak. I think next semester I’ll enjoy everything that comes my way, but I do think that my mind will be elsewhere. Although a part of me feels sad to think that, I think the other part of me recognizes that this is normal and a healthy way to feel.

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So here I am! Eating ginger chews and snuggled up under some clean white sheets, writing my blog post before I start applying for jobs. It’s scary and it’s surreal, but it’s also amazing, and exciting. I hope that with hard work on my end (and maybe a bit of luck) things will fall into place for me in regards to this upcoming year. As I look around Pam’s room, with the sun light streaming in, and the construction noises coming from the outside, I realize how truly blessed I am to be in the position I am now- with an entire community rooting for my success, and a lineage of intelligent students wishing me luck….

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…and maybe some flowers.

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