…And so it begins once again! I made myself an attainable schedule in order to get a really big head start on all of my work. I know that the end of term will be really chaotic because of my thesis, so I’m trying to get some of my final papers done ahead of time. I’ve given my thesis a bit of a break because I need to let it sit in my mind for a bit, so instead of working that, I’ve begun researching and writing my other papers that are course finals. I know that it’s super early to begin working on them, but I also know that I will really thank myself at the end of term when I can just focus on physical exams I have to take and the submission of my thesis.

So once again, I have stationed myself at my beloved carrel to sit down and really get some work done. I also need to figure out what classes I’m taking next semester, which is frightening (my last semester here…). I’ve snuck in a sealed container of fruit so I don’t need to go to the dining halls for lunch (I pinky promise I won’t eat in the library!!!). I also have all of my supplies right here, so I really have no excuse to go and get other things. Now, it’s just time to focus on what I have to do.

So naturally, I’m writing a blog post. 1. Because it’s fun to write, but also 2. Because I think BMC has a stigma around our work culture. From my experience at Bryn Mawr, I have found that students always feel the need and the pressure to be working. As someone who lives by that statement, I would agree completely. It makes it really hard to enjoy the “down time” you have- if you can even consider something down time. We have a campaign to combat this notion; “self care.” However, if you need to plan your self care time down to the minute, is it really self care?

For me, personally, when I have to plan to self care, it makes me more stressed.

What if I’m not doing this right?/What if I’m not relaxed enough to get the benefits of self care and I’m actually wasting time?/I have so much work that I could be doing/Ok, I think this is enough self care for the week.

As silly as it may sound to an outsider, that’s our culture. I’ve been actively trying to combat these things in my personal life, but it’s hard when you’re in an environment that prides itself on productivity. So, this is my active way of doing something that I enjoy (blogging) when I can be working something that really doesn’t need to get done right now.

It may sound hypocritical- Blogging is still technically part of my “work” that I need to do, but it’s a different kind of work. It’s a fun two hour break where I sit with my thoughts and write about whatever I’m thinking. Usually, it’s school related, but other times I can focus on an event that brought me particular joy. Just focusing on those things helps to combat this stress culture that BMC propagates. And you know what? That makes me a happier person, and right now, I think everyone needs to focus on the little things that make them happy.

Even if it seems insignificant, something that brings you happiness is something that you should keep around- if it’s a person, that 15 minutes you take to play on your phone, reading a daily devotional, eating that special piece of candy- whatever! So think of something that makes you happy, and try to enjoy that one thing today.

One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday afternoon is go to the Rittenhouse Square farmers’ market. I’m a huge sucker for farmers markets in general, but today it was especially beautiful. The leaves are in the midst of changing colors, so the sun reflects through them like a million little rays onto the sidewalks. Plus, Rittenhouse square itself is really nice- the park is surrounded by trees, and it has a fountain in the middle of it. Little kids are usually at the fountain trying to climb the lion statues, watched over by anxious parents. Once, I saw a little kid trying to climb the lion statue, and the family dog rushed over to him and pulled him down. It was super cute. Anyway- farmers markets!

I really like the idea of being able to buy affordable, natural, and locally-grown food to support farmers in my area, as well as eating what is naturally in season, so the farmers market provides the environment in which to do so. Unfortunately for me, some of it is really unaffordable, but usually the plants and produces are well priced. Even if I’m not going to make a purchase, just walking around and looking at all the stalls is really relaxing.

Pam and I decided to talk a walk this morning through the market, and just browse. It was an ideal day for a walk, and we lazed around for a long time. Pam bought me a little cactus- he’s about the size of a cotton ball and I am so excited to add him to my ever-growing collection of plants on my windowsill. We went shopping for a friends birthday gift, and she got a cup of coffee. Overall, it was a quiet and low-stimuli day.

PLUS I got to pet this little dog friend!! His name is Moose and he is a puppy. He is really friendly and likes to chase leaves. He licked my hand, and then let me pet him. His owner said that he’s a silver lab, which I’ve never heard of, but apparently Moose will grow to be about 70lbs which I think is pretty big. He wasn’t shy of the small crowd that gathered around him.

I would love love love love love to have a pet when I graduate (Effy is mine, but he stays in Florida) but I’m afraid that apartment life may not be the best thing for a doggy or kitty. Either way, I want to do some research on what animals local shelters have before I make any decisions about getting an animal. Pam and I go back and forth between wanting one, so we both have taken it as a signal to wait until we’re 100% sure. Pets are like having kids, in my eyes- you have them and you love them unconditionally and they are part of your family.

Tonight I got to spend a very nice night out with my best friend, Grace! Grace graduated last year, and has since moved out of Philly. Although I miss her horribly, I’m so lucky to be able to still stay close to her. This weekend she turns 22, so she came in to the city to celebrate.

Grace, in addition to some friends she brought from home, Pam, Gabby, Xiu, Ellen and I went to a restaurant called “Max Brenner“- a chocolate themed restaurant and bar. I had never heard of it before, but Pam said it’s a novelty in Philly. Immediately entering the restaurant, you could smell chocolate. Honestly, I’m not sure if they piped the smell in through the AC vents or if it was real from the cooking, but it smelled delicious. I can totally see why Grace wanted to go there.

After a nice dinner and conversation, Pam and I headed back to her home. The weather has been really amazing recently, so the walk was beautiful. I think this may be one of the last warmer nights of fall, so I was taking it in as we walked. Philly is so beautiful at night. It still has the city sounds, but it’s a much softer type of noise than other cities I’ve been to. Usually other cities have lots of yelling and loud noises, but instead Philadelphia creaks and you can hear wind rushing between buildings. I honestly just really love this city, and am so happy that I go to a school so close by.

I’m taking a break from homework tomorrow- I spent all of today studying in Pam’s house, and then I live tweeted the second episode of stranger things (follow me! @amotte_). I honestly have been pushing myself really hard to get school work done (which is good- being productive!) but also, I need to have some time to just sit back, relax, and really feel GOOD about relaxing. I’m happy to be in Philly with Pam tomorrow to just explore a bit and treat ourselves to some much needed “us” time.

First off, let me begin by explaining what SEPTA is. The Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (SEPTA) is a series of trains, buses, trolleys, and subways that run all throughout Bucks, Chester, Delaware, Montgomery, and Philadelphia Counties. It’s a pretty easy service to use, and as someone who comes from an area of little/no public transportation, SEPTA feels like a dream. According to folks from areas that actually have public transportation, SEPTA is trash and is not an effective mode to get around. To each their own, I guess. Regardless, SEPTA is the cheapest option I have found to get me into Philly and I really like it.

It’s been in the news recently that SEPTA workers have gone on strike. As someone who wants to remain aware of the happenings of my community, this blog post will be a learning experience for all of us as to what is going on.

The first article I’m reading is titled “DESPITE FINGER POINTING, SEPTA, UNION RESUME TALKS”. It seems to say:

1. It sounds like the strike is surrounding the cost of benefits for SEPTA workers
2. The strike is headed by a union
3. People are getting really, really upset
4. SEPTA wants to offer the union a current earnings cap on pensions and enhance that benefit by 8%, along with a pay raise, but union members must pay more for their healthcare.

My take away from this is that this strike is regarding economic disparities between SEPTA and union employees.

On to the next one!

After randomly clicking, I’ve selected “Latest SEPTA strike updates: Nov. 3, 2016” because HORRAY! Today is November 3rd and maybe this will be more informative.

This article:

1. Showed us a photo of someone driving a bicycle on the highway??? This is apparently a very literal statement about individuals who have to go to work and have no other way.
2. SEPTA is considering requesting an injunction to force workers to come back for election day- without transportation to polling places, people can’t vote.
3. A direct quote from the article reads, “Late Wednesday night SEPTA’s board chairman Pat Deon put out a statement accusing the union leadership of prolonging the work stoppage even after SEPTA made an offer that, Deon said, addressed many of the workers’ requests. Thursday morning, the Transportation Workers Union Local 234 fired back. The local’s president, Willie Brown, said in his own statement, “Deon’s idea of bargaining where he tells the public half-truths about what’s on the table while telling the union to take it or leave it won’t get us across the finish line.””

This article was really enlightening to me as to how many people are impacted by this- obviously public transportation serves, well, the public. But think about it:

1. How will children get to schools?
2. How will employees get to work?
3. How will voters get to polls?

Schools, jobs, and voting are going to continue whether or not SEPTA is up and functioning. For people, especially children from low income families whose guardians are not available to drive them to school, how can we expect students to be able to literally get to school and learn?

On the other hand, labor unions are intended to represent their constituents, and have gotten some very real results, such as improved wages, improved workplace, and a shorter work week.

As per usual, I think this issue is on a grey-scale of morality, with no side being totally right. In the mean time, I’m going to try to learn more, and I’m going to go to http://www.septa.org/realtime/status/system-status.shtml to watch the updated train schedules.

Today Anne Hathaway came to Bryn Mawr! Unfortunately, I was working at the office of Residential Life, so I didn’t get to see her arrival. Regardless, it was really cute to see everyone’s excited chattering over social media about getting to see “Princess Mia.” She came to rally young voters to vote for Hilary Clinton, and gave a short speech about the importance of being politically active. Apparently Donald Trump had also been in Pennsylvania within the last couple of days, so my area has been really lively within the political arena lately!

…But I’m stressing out over school work and right now this upcoming election is not helping to share any space within my mind. So instead, I’m going to try to actively focus my attention on 1) doing work and 2) taking care of my self! Last night Pam came over and kept me company while I studied. I unfortunately have a lot of things that have piled up, so I’m working on getting them completed. On the bring side- my best friend Grace, another Bryn Mawr graduate, is coming in this weekend to celebrate her birthday. I get to see her so infrequently that when she does come it’s a huge deal. It’s really weird to have friends who have graduated and left, and then are able to come back to visit, but life continues without them.

It’s not necessarily bad, per say, but just different. Part of it is extremely bittersweet- looking around and seeing a space and being reminded of a memory that will never be once more with people who have already gone! But regardless, I’m excited to venture into Philly this weekend, get some work done, and hide from politics for a bit.

HOW TO WRITE A PAPER- ANGELA EDITION

Step One- Make your Playlist

I find that whenever I have papers to write, I do a lot better when I’m listening to the same songs over and over and over and over. I honestly have no idea why this is, but I’ve read some sketchy-at-best online articles about why this could be a thing. Regardless, I am here to share with you the list of songs I’ve been playing on repeat for the last couple of days!

1. “The Greatest” by Sia
2. “Closer” by The Chainsmokers
3. “Famous” by Kanye West
4. “Headlines” by Drake
   1. (ALSO it’s really hard to find Drake’s newer songs on youtube and this makes me really sad)

Step Two- Find a spot and camp out

Again, I like the library. It’s hidden away where people can’t bug me unless it’s an emergency. Regardless, find your spot, bring all of your things, and plan to be there for a couple hours. I usually bring all of my chargers because camping out is what it sounds like. I’ve seen people bring blankets, food, slippers, a carton of cigarettes, you name it, people have done it. Don’t take shame in whatever you need to bring to accomplish your work!

Step Three- Invest in a snack

As the above may insinuate, you’re gonna be somewhere for a while. While some people like to take breaks for meals, I find that this disrupts my flow. YES I recognize this may not be the *best* habit, but for all the bad habits, I think eating goldfish for a meal is probably on the lesser end of this spectrum.

So get yourself a snack that you can eat without making a mess or taking time to assemble it. I tend to like goldfish mostly because they’re cheap, they come in bulk, and they have a rainbow variety which makes me feel good about myself.

Step Four- WHEN YOU ARE DONE FOR THE DAY, YOU ARE DONE FOR THE DAY

One thing I really struggle with is finding a stop when I’m writing. I’m the kind of person that likes to get work done and BE done. However, for longer papers, this isn’t an attainable goal. When you’re working, make sure that you stop and stick to that stop. You need to listen to your body/mind and really feel out what it’s trying to tell you.

My freshmen year I wrote a 10 page paper in one sitting and felt horrible. Compare that to my sophomore year when I wrote a 15 page paper over the course of a week and felt significantly happier. Not only did I feel emotionally better, but my writing reflected this. AND!!! Even though my freshmen year I had a lot of extra time on my hands because I technically finished my work earlier, I ended up stressing about not having anything to do. Compare that to sophomore year when I had an even stream of work to do, I felt like I wasn’t forgetting anything and was on top of my work.

Everyone has their own ways to get things done, but if you feel like you wanna give my method a try, good luck, and happy writing! 

Lantern Night is one of my favorite Bryn Mawr Traditions. I remember my freshmen year being so magical. I remember walking through the hallways of Thomas, my black robe getting caught behind me with every other step. It was silent, and dark, except for the glowing faces of upperclassmen illuminated by their lanterns, who smiled at me as I passed. Some whispered things like “Welcome Home” and “Happy Lantern Night” as I crept closer and closer to the cloisters. When I reached the outdoors, I was met with bitter cold and silence as I’ve never heard. It was the kind of silence where if you closed your eyes you knew people were surrounding you, but you couldn’t hear them. My first thought was “Wow, they really weren’t kidding about this cult stuff.” But I was excited, and it was so beautiful, and I just wanted to look around and take it all in.

This year wasn’t much different in the sense of me wanting to take it all in. It’s my last year, and I wanted to look around and really get a good feeling of how it would all end. Realistically, this will be my last lantern night ever. Ever! I’ve been able to experience all the ‘stages’ of lantern night – getting my lantern (freshman year), running (sophomore year), watching (junior year), and swinging (senior year). I was really excited to swing this year, because all of my best friends were doing it as well. I’m really happy I got to share this experience with them.

My job as swinger meant that I had to swing my lantern in time to the Pallas Athena, and sing it about a zillion times with other juniors/seniors. During the Pallas, runners run the lanterns to the first years and distribute them. This takes quite a bit of time, so after about ten minutes of swinging my lantern and singing, I felt like my hand was going to fall off. I totally caught myself slacking off, but I jerked myself back into it by reminding myself that someone my first year had done the very same thing for me, and it’s only fair that I pay it forward.

Lantern Night was beautiful this year, even though the class of 2020 totally butchered the Sophias. It was pretty funny actually- regardless you all did so good! And I’m so proud of you and happy to welcome you all home. Every class year has little slip ups when they sing the Sophias, so just know that in four years time, you will be able to recite the greek adequately enough to fool any non-classics major on your pronunciation.

Even though I skipped step sing (sorry! I was exhausted!! and emotionally drained!!) I had such a nice night. It felt weird without Pam being there, but I think it was symbolic of some sort of circular closing motion. Regardless, I’m leaving this tradition behind with the way I started it- into the dark with the light of my lantern.

Today I spent the entire day studying. It’s so pretty outside- part of me is jealous that I’m stuck indoors, but the other part of me is enjoying being curled up in Carpenter Library reading and analyzing texts for my thesis. Luckily, Emma and Ellen have joined me. It seems that every senior is now hyper aware that a quarter of their last year has passed, and now we only have three fourths to go. Part of that is a really amazing and great feeling, but the other part is sheer horror. Like the kind of horror where you can feel your stomach sink into the ground, and you feel you body temperature drop dangerously low.

Granted, Bryn Mawr isn’t forever. Nothing is forever, as Pam likes to remind me. But I feel as if we are all in such a delicate stage of our lives right now- soon we will be out of limbo, and forced back into society. These last four years have flown by, and I frequently find my thoughts wandering back to other memories. It’s a little painful, because these things are in the past, and nothing we do can make us feel how we once did. It’s also really reassuring because that is how we know that we have grown and changed. It’s a weird paradox to be stuck in between, but I know that once I’m out of my undergraduate experience, it will be another memory that I will look back on and think “because of this i have grown and changed, and from that I am a better person.” I think a lot of my thoughts end at this conclusion, because it’s the easiest one to process and accept.

The idea of memory, the past, and change from experiences, are ones that I think of frequently, but feel as if I have the least understanding on. It’s aggravating to try to press these thoughts, but only have them end up producing more questions rather than having me come to conclusions. I recognize that thought processes aren’t linear, but rather expand outwards, but sometimes I wish things were just a simple A to B to C to D makes ABCD. Maybe if things were like ABCD, I would be wishing for the uncertainties I have now.

In other less-meta news, someone brought a tree into my hall last night. We couldn’t keep it, but I kind of liked it in the hall (don’t tell my residents). It brought some life into the area!

I’ve been listening to Beach House and my nose has started running, so that can only mean one thing- FALL IS OFFICIALLY HERE! I have no clue what’s been going on with the weather recently, to be honest. It was 80 degrees just last week and I was wearing shorts, and now it’s a solid 42 and you won’t catch me outside in less than three layers of clothing.

Unfortunately, the beginning of fall also signals the beginning of winter, and the beginning of the end of term. Don’t get me wrong, I really do love the seasons here. Florida has two seasons- Hurricane Season and the Summer. PA is a really nice break from that. But even after four years, I still am mystified by the winter, and how people can live in the cold that long without having some serious side effects. Within three days of the weather dropping, I’m already cold to the bones.

I’m also already thinking about all the work I have to do. The classes at BMC have a tendency to give you a bunch of work, coupling that with a want of social activities and a good night’s rest, achieving a healthy balance is pretty hard to find. I’m currently at a place where my planner is filled to the brim with mandatory activities, and I’m having a hard time squeezing anything else inside of it. I think this is a similar feeling felt around campus, as my friends have also been complaining of similar woes. It’s really aggravating to create plans and then realize you may not have time for those plans- it’s actually pretty disheartening as well as disappointing.

I’m also the kind of person who will plan things way in advance in an attempt to create a weekend where I wouldn’t have any work. However, random things keep popping up that need attending too! Which is super annoying when I’ve been looking forward to time off! Praying that the working world isn’t like this as well- I’m getting tired of feeling like I have things I need to attend to 24/7.

Last night, Pam and I went to Hillary Clinton‘s rally in Philadelphia. For those of you who don’t know, this year is a big year for America’s governmental system. We will be electing our next president, and this year it seems like a lot of pressure is being put on who will be the winner. Maybe it’s always been like this, but during the last election I was too young to vote, and therefore was not privy to the anxiety that surrounds the outcomes of elections. Ironically, it feels as though this election has the weight of the world on top of it. I have never attended a political anything, so with Hilary Clinton coming to PA, I decided I needed to go out and experience it.

I think everyone needs to take a break from politics, the media, and outside sources, and just sit with their thoughts. How do you feel about civil rights? Foreign policy? Government spending? Systematic racism? Education? LGBTQIA* rights? Women’s rights? The environment? The list of things that are important to people will go on and on, but once you have thought about the things that are important to you, look up what candidates stand for. No- NOT what they’re yelling about each other on TV. Look at their voting patterns. Look at what they have done in the past. Look at official statements and press conferences. Do you feel like they would be represent you and what you hold as personal truths? Good- then it looks like you found yourself a candidate. If you didn’t- that’s fine! You have autonomy and you should be able to make the choice not to vote if that’s what you want to do. If you feel like both candidates have supported things that you don’t feel comfortable backing, I understand that. I agree with that, and I think you aren’t alone in that feeling. In the end, I don’t want to endorse someone who upholds systematic racism and patriarchal values within a governmental organization that feeds on creating wars and distrust within it’s people. I don’t want to vote for anyone who creates trauma for the people they are ‘trying’ to represent. I wish I didn’t feel the obligation to feel that. But for the most part, that has been something that has been instilled in our generation. 

This election has been interesting. I’ve seen some pretty horrible things being said by people I thought were what I would deem morally sound. Unfortunately, I think this election has really brought out the bad in some people. I think it’s also testing my limits on the ideas of morality- what deems good and bad? Obviously this thinking only exists within a binary, and therefore is flawed by its own nature. But even if I change my thinking to include a grey scale, how do I really feel? It’s hard to look at someone and say “I know you would hate me if you knew I was dating a girl, but I also know you volunteer at a homeless shelter weekly because you care about your community.” How do I feel about that? That person obviously has what I would deem ‘good’ qualities, but they also have ‘bad’ ones as well. What I’m really trying to say is as a non-party affiliated gal, I really hate how this political binary is showing me that so many people I know are still horrible, horrible people and I now must choose to vote within the system that continuously breeds these individuals, or face very literally consequences.

Overall, whenever someone says something problematic, I try to have a productive conversation with them to try to work through some of the thought processes that they have. Normally, I have a good conversation with people who have “Ah-Ha!” moments, and it’s good. Now, I’m faced with hostility that doesn’t even allow for positive confrontations. It’s interesting to see how the validity of an argument is misconstrued depending on how someone interprets your political affiliation to be. Actually, it’s really aggravating. You can’t just jokingly call someone a F****t and expect everyone to laugh with you. Someone’s gonna call you out for being mean! And homophobic! And if you just blame it on someone being ‘politically correct’ or ‘overly sensitive’ just remember that you made someone else feel bad. Who cares if you think that they need to suck it up? If YOU have ever been made to feel uncomfortable, and you were told to suck it up, I am so sorry! That’s really sad, and not how the situation could have been handled. But you can’t do that to others now!

I found this really interesting- its a post from another blog, complete with their own personal typing style

Honestly something that bothers me more than most things is having my compassion mistaken for naivety.

I know that another fish might eat this bullfrog right after I spend months rehabilitating it.

I know that turning a beetle back onto its legs won’t save it from falling over again when I walk away.

I know that there is no cosmic reward waiting for my soul based on how many worms I pick off a hot sidewalk to put into the mud, or how many times I’ve helped a a raccoon climb out of a too-deep trashcan.

I know things suffer, and things struggle, and things die uselessly all day long. I’m young and idealistic, but I’m not literally a child. I would never judge another person for walking by an injured bird, for ignoring a worm, or for not really caring about the fate of a frog in a pond full of, y’know, plenty of other frogs.

There is nothing wrong with that.

But I cannot cannot cannot look at something struggling and ignore it if I may have the power to help.

There is so much bad stuff in this world so far beyond my control, that I take comfort in the smallest, most thankless tasks. It’s a relief to say “I can help you in this moment,” even though they don’t understand.

I don’t need a devil’s advocate to tell me another fish probably ate that frog when I let it go, or that the raccoon probably ended up trapped in another dumpster the next night.

I know!!!! I know!!!!!!! But today I had the power to help! So I did! And it made me happy!

So just leave me alone alright thank u!!!!

So yeah!! If having compassion for another human being and their feelings is ‘politically correct’ I’m going to do it! And I think you should too, because one day we are going to realize that it’s just us humans on this giant flying rock in lonely, lonely space, and we need to be nice to each other because literally we will all die one day, and might as well know that we lived a life where we actively tried to be kinder and nicer to one another.